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doglets:

This shampoo was supposed to give my hair volume but I really can’t hear anything

the-vashta-nerada:

it’s cute that they sell family sized oreo boxes thinking that people are gonna share them with their family

everniam:

nice to know the bras the fans throw on stage are being used

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popularboyfriend:

guy:

*slides you $20* pls stop ignoring me

hey look a $20 bill

rnackenzie:

if you don’t know what my voice sounds like you should keep it that way for your own sake

At the groceries store

calakazam:

toyota:

Me: can u give me x²+4y+ of tomatoes & 2(x²+8xy^3) of potatoes please

Seller: I dont understand

Me: well i dont give a fuck i didnt study in vain

those are polynomials you asked for a neverending curve of tomatoes

virginsacrificer:

when someone you hate gets the wrong answer in class

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can i apologize in advance for basically everything i will ever do

Conversation with my very religious mother

Me:  did you know that it is a sin to wear that shirt and you could go to hell?
Mom:  
Me:  I mean it has mixed fabrics.
Me:  According to the bible, that's a sin.
Mom:  show me where it says that
Me:  levictus 19:19  "'Keep my decrees.  “‘Do not mate different kinds of animals.  “‘Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed.  “‘Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.
Mom:  
Mom:  
Mom:  well just because it says that doesn't mean you can say its a sin and we'll go to hell
Me:  so why are people doing that with homosexuality

ben-c:

beautiful-kisses13:

ben-c:

"reblog if you’re not homophobic, keep scrolling if you are" is just tumblr’s equally irritating and pointless version of "share if u love god, ignore for satan"

But I love Satan!

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wreck-it-mikey:

being too shy to ask for wi-fi passwords

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