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chapsnats:

if u are about to get stabbed just say “I have too much swagger for the dagger” and they will leave u alone

okaywork:

when teachers actually start teaching on the first day of class

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bunbijou:

"fuck yeah heterosexuality" whats next.. fuck yeah flavorless oatmeal.. fuck yeah khaki shorts… fuck yeah dandelions without any of the seeds on them so they’re just really ugly shitting up your lawn

meggannn:

i used to be so picky about what i post and reblog but it’s just slowly deteriorated into a state of “why not”

supsass:

can i sell my feelings on ebay i don’t want them anymore

lindsaylohoean:

my ex texted me today “you can delete my number i don’t care anymore”

and i replied “who is this”

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Me when the conversation isn't on me at all times:  ANYWAY

prehistorian:

stop for a minute and realize you are a 10lb brain piloting a slab of meat

sorry:

when you’re tired but don’t want to sleep:

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retiredjesus:

*fucks something serious up*

me: shit my bad


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